As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
