my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
