when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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