I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
