I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
