i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
well you can't waste a boner
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
where are my pants?
in the oven.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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