im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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