she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
