I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
