This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
