She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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