I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
