I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
