There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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