Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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