I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
