we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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