Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
