Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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