my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize