When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Randomize
