he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
false alarm. still invincible.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
