Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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