was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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