Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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