We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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