Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
