I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
