Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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