Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
