I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
