he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm like, not good at living.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
