Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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