can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
