hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
