i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
