That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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