There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
