I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
