OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
