if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
being pregnant is like rehab
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize