He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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