You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
