Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
