So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
