did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
