when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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