First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
