I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize