I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
