Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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