Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
