Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
