i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
