Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
