morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
