i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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