I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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