Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You took a bar mat shot.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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