there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
