i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
