In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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