If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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