His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
