Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
