how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Drunk is not a location!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
