My sheets look like a crime scene.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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