I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
