just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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