Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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