there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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