i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
