This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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