Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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