Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
