Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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