You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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