she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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