You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
