STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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