So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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