Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
