"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize