haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
