nut hugger
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
