is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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