I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
