According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
