found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
