idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
there is glitter all over my balls
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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