Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
