this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
