If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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