Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
a search helicopter?!
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
