would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
