What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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