ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
How does one acquire holy water?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
