Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm going to jail i love you
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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