Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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