Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
