I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
