2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
