Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
