he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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