can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize