the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
