I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
