Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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