But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize